Hair-do, hair-don't

Ugh, Piggy (me) needs Cheetos.

Yesterday was an insane day. People will tell me, "geez, it seems like this crazy stuff only happens to you..". Well, it does. I am VERY nice and sometimes that makes for an easy target. Or, maybe it's just that I am too sensitive and people don't mean to say things the way I take them. Whatever the reason, I find I frequently have a story to share.

As I sit here and devour this orangy goodness like a savage, I will tell you all about yesterday and the haircut.

I needed a haircut in the worst kind of way - I was overdue by maybe 3-4 months. Fortunately my hair is long, but not TOO long, so I am having a hard time pulling off that "Little House on the Prairie", hipster, college broad look. I just looked like I needed a haircut. I found a place not too far away from my house earlier this year and they gave me a good haircut last time, so I called them up to see if I could get in for a trim. Yep. Got an appointment. Sweet.

I arrived early and they took me early (SCORE). "Come on back...". So I went, over to the sink where she was. A HUGE SIGH..."UUGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...did you want your hair washed????" Um, hell yes, I do. I worked all day and want someone to massage my scalp for a few seconds. "Oh, um, no. I guess I don't...". She told me some crap about not being able to see the ends of my hair when they are wet vs being able to when they are dry. Can any of my stylist friends confirm this? I digress.

I take my seat and prepare for the dry cut and think I am hallucinating. "Do you use heat protector when you straighten your hair?" Um, is she talking to me? "No, I haven't straightened my hair in over 2 years...I blow dry on cold and use a brush to make it straight...", clearly thinking this would suffice. "Well, it is NOT working for you. You need to use a heat protector because your hair is breaking off and looking not too great. And WHEW! All these gray hairs! Have you ever contemplated coloring???" Now I am mad. I like my gray hair (no I don't, that's total BS, but I am going with it. I am too lazy, cheap - ok, broke - and nervous to color it, so I decided about 2 years ago that I wasn't going to. Randy likes it, he says it gives me character and when your hunky hubs likes it, well, then, whatever).

It was literally a 20 minute question barrage. Everything from, "what kind of brush do you use?" "I don't know...a brush..." SIIIIGGGHHHH!!! There are 4 different kinds of brushes...what kind do YOU use? (grabs 4 brushes from her drawer) This one? This one?" "Mmmmm...one like that..." "Well, this is NOT working for you!" to, "Your heat protector is not doing its job..." "Yeah, that's probably because I don't use one..." "WHAT!!!??? Your hair could be a lot more healthy looking if you did." Probably true, but I don't give a crap.

She doesn't want me to blow dry my hair or put it in a pony tail. I was also instructed to use some $200 oil AND a $100 heat protector that will, "if you're super lucky, last 2 months". Let's face it. I am not going bald. I have thin hair that is starting to get gray. I do not have the producers from the commercials for Pantene Pro-V beating down my door, pleading with me to share my hair with humanity. It is, however, clean, always brushed and somewhat healthy.

Bottom line: I need a new stylist. My last stylist never had an appointment available and this one wants me to sell my soul to some random god of hair-care and damage prevention. Not going to happen. All I want is for someone to wash my hair, ask me how my day was, cut off my split ends, tell me I look like a million bucks and then say "good bye!". Is that too much to ask??? Clearly it is. Given situations like this, I find it hard to believe that the Flowbee never took off.



Source:
YouTube (link embedded in post)