Sayōnara

I am known for 2 things in my neighborhood: 1) being the crazy woman whose man-eating dogs are always getting loose and 2) for having really pretty flowers. Milly and Pip do get out sometimes, and I do have really nice flowers, so I guess you can say both things are true. Usually, my roses are stunning: bright red, plentiful, and always nicely overgrown. This year, however, I am at war with my least favorite of all insects: the Japanese beetle.

I can remember being a little tot and my grandmother would outfit my brother and me with some old-fashioned equipment to go "beetle hunting" to "teach those dishere beetles a lesson". If you knew my gram or if she was your gram, too, then you distinctly remember her famous phrase, "dishere". She was pretty cool. Every summer, our job was to spend a few minutes a few times a day beetle-slaying. I loved this job. We would rid her roses, pussy willows, fruit trees and grapevines of these little beasts. Today, I am going to teach you how to do it. You need 3 things:

1: An empty can of vegetables, fruit cocktail or pork n' beans (or whatever)
2: Some gasoline
3: A keen eye for killing

Directions:
Carefully open can, leaving enough metal around the rim so the top doesn't completely come off. Eat contents of can (lest we be wasteful), rinse and let it dry.

Next, go to the garage (or wherever you keep your gasoline) and fill the can about 1/2 way.

Then, go to the nearest bush, tree, or vine, look for beetles and gently tap those hungry little bastards in the gasoline. They will attempt to swim, then curl into a little ball and croak...the way nature intended. Want to eat my roses down to the stem?! CHOKE ON THIS!

VICTORY IS MINE!

 (beetle on top and "too ambitious of a push into the can dead rosebud" on bottom)

You will find that within a few weeks, your flowers will start to look beautiful again. I still have a LONG way to go (Randy originally suggested getting a Japanese beetle trap...um, no) but they look better each day.

Reclaim your flowers, vegetables, grapes and other fruit!!! Kill those beetles Grandma T. style!!!