Craigslist

Last night, I went on Craigslist looking for a used dresser to put in my closet so I can store some t-shirts. I stumbled across the most HILARIOUS posts. Maybe I'm living in the dark ages, but I had no idea there were singles ads on there! Wow, there was some awful, funny, awfully funny, pathetic and just plain bizarre stuff out there. Here are a few of my favorites:

AD: Single male looking for skinny/petete lady to pet, pamper,go places,& do things with, for ltr. I have every thing we need "except you' and I'm financeially secure to have a great life !.I enjoy all normal things and travel. I am not a sports Fanantic like most men. I want to enjoy my mate and being with my mate doing things together. 

For starters, you do NOT have everything you need "except you". You need a dictionary, spell check, and the ability to post a 3 sentence singles ad without grammatical errors. Your perfect mate will have lots of work to do on you.

AD: Going on vacation in a week and I want to hook up with someone before I go. I am extremely good looking, fit and all around amazing. You need to be very petite, clean, cute and discrete. Do not be younger than 19 or older than 23. Your pic gets mine. 

If you have to advertise for wanting to hook up, you must not be everything you say you are. I am sure you're practically deformed, toothless, and a class-A LOSER. Wait until you go on vacation - or better yet, take a cold shower, Romeo.

 AD: Do you like massages? I am a white man who is looking for a woman to give a soft gentle massage to help you relax!! You will not be disappointed. 

This is just plain creepy. He posts every day. Guess what, dude? No one wants to take you up on your gross offer.

AD: Tired of all the drama of dating sites. I'm looking for someone to text and build a friendship off of that, which could turn into more. I prefer 18-26yr women. Race is open and I like bbws. Please reply back with your favorite color in the subject line and also include a picture. No fakes or spammers.  

Ugh, where do I begin? I am not sure what "bbws" stands for (this might not be a bad thing). Who wants to start a relationship via text message? Maybe you're tired of the dating sites because they are stupid. Get off your ass and meet people. Then you can TALK to them face-to-face. What a novel concept.

AD: do you think you have a nice ass? I think im a pretty good judge of nice butts. ladies send your pics and the best one gets a free 30 min massage. I'll email the winner and ..... NO guys! no bbw.. no ***** shots.. just a booty pic. Have a great week! 

Disgusting. And who the hell answers these weirdos??? Clearly no one because this guy has been posting every day for the last month. Hands to yourself, dude.


ANOTHER GOLDMINE IS THE "MISSED CONNECTIONS" SITE!

I am laughing with every post I read. Are these people complete idiots? Who goes on Craigslist to discuss the "hottie they met at the bank" or "the fella with braces behind me in line at the gas station"???? "oh, I hope you feel the same way". This is a hoot! Here are my favorites from the last week:

AD: Really hot cashier working tonight at the Lil Cricket! Would love to get to know you even if just as friends! Message me with your name 

AD: I know this is crazy, but I can't talk to you in the lunch crowd! You work in fast food on Haywood Rd and have short blonde hair. I am a middle aged male with brown hair. I come in during lunch at least twice a week usually with another woman. We exchanged double glances and smiles when you re-filled my tea. I could not take my eyes off of you and I didn't want to walk away. Sounds so cliché...but this really is a missed connection that doesn't happen very often. I am reminded of the James Blount song, "Beautiful"

AD:  You're the supervisor on the bending side of the plant we both work at. I know you see me staring at you constantly. Whew, I can't help it. lol. You are so hot! I would love to get to know you, and hang out. or hell might have a quickie in the bathroom at work too. Just touch me already. haha. :) I hope you see this. Reply back with a picture and proof its you. 
 
Oh, God. Those are making me laugh so hard my belly is hurting. Take a few minutes out of your day today and read some of these postings in your area. Do you have a favorite? Share it!



PS. I didn't find a dresser.