Beach babes

Do you like to go to the beach? If so, you probably go for one of the following reasons: to get a bitchin' tan, to play in the ocean, to "get away" from everything, or maybe even because you want to soak up some of the sandy nightlife. I have to agree...all of those reasons are on my list. But the real reason I enjoy the beach so much?? PEOPLE WATCHING! My ideal beach day includes a sunny, warm, breezy one, with plenty of snacks in my cooler, my SPF 50, a beach chair and TONS of people. People are the most bizarre of all God's creatures. More strange than the Meerkat, more awkward than the sloth, and definitely funnier than your family pet.

Saturday was a particularly glorious people watching day, most likely because they have had rain in Charleston, SC for what seemed like MONTHS and this was a really perfect day for the beach. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, the water was warm and the beautiful breeze I desired was blowing sweetly over my hairy legs (don't ask). My friends and I drove down to the shore extra early, set up camp and waited. At first, things were slow, but then...whoa...then they got amazing!

Now you know as well as I know that the beach is no place to be worried about how amazing (or NOT amazing) you look in a bikini! There are all kinds of bodies: big ones, small ones, fat ones, long ones, super obese bodies, bodies that need to eat at a buffet, hairy, smelly, dirty, fit, pale, tan, and burnt bodies...seriously...EVERY KIND! The beach does not discriminate. What I WISH would happen is that the people involved in picking out the outfits for said beach patrons (or the dressing room attendants, or the children of, or the significant others/friends of the guilty**) would pull them to the side and say, "EEEEEKKKKK!!! What the hell?! You cannot wear that!!!". But they don't. So the door is open. And I gladly accept the invitation to giggle at their expense. And say what you will about me. You know you are guilty of doing the same crap, so get off your high horse and laugh a little.

Ah, our first sight! We will call this woman "socks". "Socks" was wearing her husband's button up work shirt, a fancy beach hat, socks and sandals (my least favorite combination). Well, the sandals came off, but guess what? The socks didn't! She yelled at her husband in the socks, ate an ear of corn in the socks and even went down to the waves in her socks. Eventually, she took them off...I assume once her toes started rubbing together with sand. People are bizarre. If she was wearing them for burn protection or something, how about water shoes? Not mid-shin, white work socks.

Then came this interesting family. Everyone's bathing suits were 2 sizes too small. It was almost tragic and I felt sorry for them. But, not to my surprise, they were all pumped about how amazing they looked. This might have been the mom. If her suit crawled any further up her butt cheeks, someone would have needed to use a dandelion picker to wedge it out of there. The family also brought a WHOLE watermelon to the shore...not a cut watermelon...a whole one. So. Weird.

Two-toned chest hair man was also funny.Totally reminds me of someone who would have been (maybe) super hot in the 70s and was trying to carry all that over to the now. Ick, dude.

Photo credit: my awesome pal, KKW!

Finally, people who think that women are the only ones who embarrass themselves in public with their summer suit choices are crazy. Men are guilty, too! My favorite was this fella - thought he was the cat's pajamas (it means he thought he was really cool). When you are, in reality, a 36" waist, please don't buy a 28" suit. Sheesh! Muffin tops can strike anyone at any time...no one is safe.

If you ever want a buddy to assist in beach gawking, let me know! I am always down for a day of fun. And hey, I will even make sandwiches! 

** and yes, I realize I have NO room to talk. I do, however, extend a tremendous effort to remain covered and decent. Hopefully, I am the talk of someone's blog postings. That would make me an internet sensation! Holla!

Ps. I had some amazing pictures from the weekend which my husband advised me to not post. If you see me, just ask to see them. I will share at will!

Pps. Sorry, husband, I couldn't resist.