Dumb things kid say

I probably shouldn't be advertising this, but I have not been able to contain my disdain for the unintelligent, careless questions students ask representatives of colleges. I will keep my school's name protected (I seriously fear losing my job) as well as the locations where said encounters happen.  I can tell you, however, that no matter where I travel, there are almost as many awful inquiries as there are intelligent ones. Sad, but true.

Here are my favorites from this last week:

1) which one of the Californias is your school located in?
**which one of the Californias? You know he meant to say "Carolinas" but, whether nerves got the best of him or he just misspoke, he asked about the Californias. Upon being corrected, he told me that it didn't matter because I knew what he meant and "were you trying to embarrass me, ma'am, because it didn't work." Um, no, you little squirt, I was not trying to embarrass you. I wanted to give you the correct information, let you know I heard your blunder (because I was doing something called LISTENING) and to give you a lesson in American geography: there is only one California.

2) (this was asked by a parent) Why would someone spend all that money going to college only to wind up doing something unrespectable like...like...this (implying college admissions)?
**unrespectable???? Wow. Why would I choose a career in college admissions? Oh, I don't know, because I like it, it is a fun job where I can make a difference in someone's future, oh, and because I can directly impact your kid's admissions decision to this college?? Sheesh! Be careful what you say and who you say it to. I'm not vindictive (and ethically I wouldn't do it) but there are counselors out there who would put a note in a student's file over a comment like this.

3) Is your school really hard? Did you get all those grey hairs from your classes?
**this needs no explanation. It was enough to make me sad. And no, these grey hairs came from DNA, stress, and well, I think that's about it.

4) I just wanted to come by because I have been researching your law school and I cannot wait to go! Me: we don't have a law school...could it have been another school you were thinking about? I will do my best to help you find them...? Kid: ma'am, you need to get more training or something because you don't even know what extra schools your school has on its campus.

**yeah, we don't have a law school...or a med school...or a vet school...

5) what kind of doctor can I be in 4 years?
**not a very good one

6) have you been saved?
**I am catholic. So, no. We have purgatory and confession. I am cool. Besides, why are you asking me? You're a student at a college fair. Ask about majors or the airport that is closest to campus. Good gravy. I wish someone would save me from your stupid line of questioning.

7) are there any Mexican kids on your campus because I can't go to school with Mexicans.
**to be honest, I don't know. This is almost as bad as saying, I will ot drink out of the same water fountain as someone black. I just don't understand. Personally, I love Mexicans! My cousins live in Mexico City and visiting them is always special. I was the wrong person to ask. I didn't mention this to the student because I had a line of families waiting to speak to me. Otherwise, I might have picked his brain. Maybe Mexican kids don't want to go to school with you, dude.

8) wow me, sir. (then he stood there...waiting for a response...or, well, to be "wowed")
**let's start with the obvious. I dislike being called ma'am. Sir is worse. Since I left my wiener at home, can you just call me miss? Lord. Anyway, I am not employed to "wow" you. I am employed to give you facts about this university so that you are able to make an educated decision about the college you would like to attend. Yes, facts can be given with pizzazz (one of my specialties) but don't expect it.

9) I don't even need to talk to you because I am being recruited to play football. Me: wonderful! Kid: can I have the coach's name so I can email him? Me: you're not being recruited, are you? Kid: I will be when he gets my tapes. Me: ok, make sure you're in the clearing house before you email the coach.  Kid: what's that?
**I don't have much to say about this. It is a funny zinger in itself.

10) have you ever had anything embarrassing happen to you at one of these things (things = college fair)? Me: embarrassing like what? Kid: I don't know, like spitting on a kid...or having your boobs popping out or something? Me: nope, and hopefully if anything like that does happen, you will not be on the other end of this table.

**wow, this was my favorite one of the year.

Fellow admissions counselors...do you have any good travel stories? Sure, we all do. Share your favorite below so we can all laugh! 

Happy (and safe) travels, friends! See you all on the road!