zzzzzzzzz...

Man, isn't this the truth? I've got this magnet on my fridge and I have to admit, it's one of my favorites. I feel like, as a society, we spend every minute of every day rushing to the finish line, only to sleep, wake up and do it all over again.
That's at least how I spend my days. And WOW, do I get tired by Friday night. How does my day play out? I'm so glad you asked. Let's start at the beginning:
4:45am: wake up and slam alarm to snooze one time
4:52am: slam alarm again...final time, I SWEAR!
5:00am: drag myself out of bed, telling myself that if I pee in my bed, I will have a wet, grumpy husband and a big mess to clean up.
5:01am: morning pee (ah...hey, you asked)
5:02am: get dressed for the gym
5:10am: grab clothes for the day and go downstairs
5:20am: make a speedy breakfast (eggs and oatmeal), get crap to car, fill water bottle, grab delicious breakfast, sneak the dogs a few cookies before I depart
5:25am: leave for the gym
5:45am: teach fitness class
6:30am: shower and get dressed for the day
7:10am: leave the gym and hit Dunkin Donuts, then drive 45 minutes to work
8:00am-3:30pm: work a full day...through lunch...so I can leave and be on time for my third job
3:30pm: drive an hour to the dance studio
4:30pm-6:45 or 7:30pm: teach dance classes
8:00pm (I am usually home, give or take 30 minutes)
8:05pm: complain to Randy how tired I am, crab all around the house and eat something; walk Milly and Pip
8:30pm: shower
8:45pm: get on matching pajamas and brush teeth, remove contacts and brush hair
9:00pm: lay out clothes for the NEXT day, pack a lunch, crab a little more, play with Milly and Pip
9:30pm: go downstairs and watch tv until promptly passing out on the couch
10:45pm-2:00am (somewhere in this time frame): migrate upstairs, crab about having a stiff neck from being ill-positioned on the couch, sleep until the alarm goes off

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Granted, every day isn't so "timely" but it's extremely close. I mean, you start your day off late and BAM! Screws your schedule up in a big kind of way.

Then comes Saturday. The day I magically morph into a college kid again...sleeping until noon, wallowing around in my pajamas until 2pm. Not the case for my ambitious and awesome husband, however. By noon, he has already walked Milly and Pip (twice), gone for a bike ride to the gym and back, made a dump run, cleaned the kitchen and probably graded papers or wrote a lecture (he is a professor or MATH). Then I feel bad because I am slack-tastic, and before I know it, it's Saturday night.

I am not really sure why I beat myself up like this...all I know is that I am grateful for a husband who is responsible for our furry babies so I can do all of these things. I am not bragging or complaining - just simply stating a fact. I am unsure how people with children do all these things. I would no doubt lose my mind or cry all the time or take an 18 year break at a nice nuthouse or something.

I guess I do it because I love it. I love my friends at the gym. They are great! We have such a character collection there, it makes it worth getting up in the morning. It's also nice to know that, when you drive almost 3 hours a day, you've already gotten your fitness on. Work-work is fine. I have good coworkers who work hard and are fun to be around. The population we serve is mostly great, but there are a few wild cards in the bunch. Every day is different and that is very important to me, someone who hates repetition (although, by looking at my day, you would call me a liar). Dance is my fun job. LOVE LOVE LOVE those little people!!!

And, after reading my schedule again to myself, I can only say that I wish I had a bed under my desk like George Costanza. But, since I don't, it is back to work for me.

National " " Day.

Do you know what day yesterday was? I will give you a hint:

That's right. National Cheesecake Day. I celebrated the right way, by indulging myself with a piece of the world's greatest cheesecake, made proudly by my mother in law. I don't know what her secret is...I mean, she gave the recipe to me. I have made it several times. Randy has made it several times. It does not taste the same as hers. Everytime she makes this treat, it is creamy and sweet...SIMPLY DELICIOUS!

I will celebrate most of those silly holidays: national smiling day, national wear a hat day, national act like a pirate day, (and my personal favorite) national hug day. These kinds of days. Want to learn more? Want to participate in national pancake day or national have a British accent day? Check out this great link:

Trailing behind

If you like to bike, walk, run, or people watch, the Swamp Rabbit Trail in Greenville was made for you. I use the trail at least once a week; sometimes I ride my bike, other times I walk or run. It is a gorgeous trail that is paved, safe, and flat. If you like wearing a bicycling outfit that matches, you can ride really fast on the trail and utilize it for speed training. If you are recovering from an injury, it is great for endurance training. Want to gab with your girlfriends or take your kids some place safe to walk? You guessed it...the SRT.

After work, I rode about 30 miles with my friend, Sandra. The weather was beautiful and that can only mean one ting: a packed trail! As you know, a packed place (any place at all, really) is great for people watching...one of my most very favorite past-times. There is always a great cast of characters available for the viewing. It is like HBO without paying the premium. 

Let me try and remember who we saw today...ah, yes. There was...

High as a kite group of walkers. These people were so stoned, I think we got a contact high from zipping past them. There was another group of high walkers as well...I didn't notice them at first, but Sandra did. Eventually, one of the ladies in the first group fell over on the trail. That was funny. 

Creepy man on bike talking to himself. No explanation needed. 

A group of, what I like to call, "serious bikers". These are the schmucks that are sponsored by some company and they feel that they need to don all the fancy, matching gear. I think these people are kind of douchy. My husband bikes, but he doesn't wear the "special" clothing. He survives. I am sure these jokers will, too. 

A lady on a bike pulling her kid in one of those bike carriages/kid trailers. The kid was on is iPad. Really? He can't just watch the scenery? Look for some animals. Take some nice pictures. Give your neck a break. I have seen this once before with my pal, Christine. We said the same thing. Enjoy the view before you give yourself carpel tunnel syndrome.

Stinky guy. This guy needed a bath or some deodorant or both. He was so smelly that when we rode by him, his smell lingered in the air for a good 5-10 seconds. On a bike...wow. Potent! 

A dog being walked by his owner. I know this is not uncommon. This dog looked juuuust like his owner! They even had the same little waddle. It was kind of cute. Ok, it was very cute. Little, chubby Daschund.  Little, chubby owner. Adorable. 

Babies!!! There were tons of babies in the trail! They were all precious. And they had perfect parents...and perfect clothes...and mom wasn't breaking a sweat pushing her twins in her fancy Bobs stroller. One day...one day.

I think that was it. We only had 2 hours to bike. I am sure there will be more funnies next time! 

Pig pile

Some people blog about their kids. Some people blog about food. Some people blog about their pets. Since I only have options 2 and 3, I will post about them today.
This weekend, I made the most scrumptious pork roast. I loaded that sucker in the crock pot, covered it in salt and pepper and let it simmer 12 hours. Gah! It was delicious! When the time came to pull it apart, naturally, I had 2 little helpers. They remained seated, staring and drooling, for over an hour. It was starting to annoy me.

 

I don't know where they got the idea that I would be willing to share. They don't eat table food or "people food" as we like to call it at our house. Now, it seems that whenever they hear the refrigerator door open or close, they zip to the kitchen, take a seat, and wait. 

Literally, an hour went by. Randy and I scarfed our delicious pork tacos. Still sitting there. We had dessert. Still sitting there. I cleaned up. You guessed it...still sitting! Then it happened. I dropped a small piece of fat or another grizzly substance on the floor. ZOOM! They dove in like flies. Pip got it all. Poor Milly. I felt sorry for her so I just flicked a little piece of meat off the counter. And, like two satisfied little imps, went and had a seat with Randy, on the world's smallest sofa, giving the look of "yeah, I wish EVERY DAY is pork day!".

In addition to the pork tacos, we also made pork salads, and pulled pork sandwiches. The dogs didn't get any more freebies.

Nom, nom, nom

Today was a fun day. I woke up a little later than usual (8am! Yeah!), taught a great exercise class and then spent the rest of the day prepping for a surprise party for my mother in law.

In case you need some fitness today, here's the routine I did with my class this morning: kettle bell tabata. If you don't know what tabata style fitness is, check out this link. We performed the following exercises for 8 rounds, each round was 20 seconds of extra hard work, followed by a 10 second rest. After each round was performed, we moved on to the next exercise. Today, we did stationary swings, walking overhead lunges, push ups, walking squat swings, goblet squats, wood choppers, full sit ups holding a kettle bell and then (finally!) fly chest press. Whew! It was a workout for sure!

The cake I am making is from an old copy of Midwest Living magazine. I hope it turns out alright. It is a butter cake with crumb topping and a yummy chocolate drizzle on top of all that. Have I mentioned I love to eat? Have I also mentioned I am gluten intolerant? Such a predicament when surrounded my delicious sweets. To eat or not to eat?? More like, to have diarrhea or not have diarrhea?? You have to ask yourself these important questions.

I like when I make items around the house because I usually have a little helper named Milly Phillips waiting by my side. She sits in the chair, listening to me tell Randy about my plan for cooking, gives me this look, and then she Velcros herself to my side.

I feel like all I did today was eat. Hummus, chips, cheese, eggs, cucumbers, squash...the list goes on. Sad part is, I am still hungry. Perhaps I should eat a real meal instead of a bunch of snacks. Hmm, fortunately, it is almost dinner time :)

Source: 

www.tabatatraining.org (link included in website)

The not-so-charmin bears

Are my friend, Christine, and I the only people in the world who think these bears are creepy and disgusting? Who has bits of tp all over their butts after they wipe? GROSS! I mean, I have seen some hairy butts in my day, but hairy enough to leave cottonball sized paper pieces? I think not.
I also hate the commercials they put out. "The Inspection Station" and "Mom using a pan and brush to scrape the toilet paper off the kid's butt"...ugh. Those are the worst! If you don't know what I am talking about, check it out here.
These bears are like people: they play sports, they read stories, they share laughs...why do they poop in groups? I feel as if they have gotten very worldly in a very short amount of time. Seriously, evolution takes millions of years, not a few rounds of horrible tv commercials. We go from pooping in the woods, to using toilets and driving cars? Not in my world...

Do these woodland creatures bother anyone else? What is your take on them? I would love to hear your thoughts!



Source:
Youtube (link to video in post)

Ricky Raccoon has died too soon...

...because I squattered him on my way to the gym this morning. Talk about feeling TERRIBLE! I have only run over 2 things in my whole life (well, 3 if you count my dad's foot). I killed a squirrel when we first moved into the house. Ugh, he didn't have a chance. I literally watched his run over body get chucked from under my tire to the side of the road. And, the biggest and most sad kill had to be when I ran over my neighbor's cat. Yes, I told them about it. 
Anyway, this morning, I was running extra late. Should have left the house at 5:25am, but I didn't get up until then. So, naturally, I was speeding to get to the gym on time. I hurriedly rounded a sharp corner, saw their little eyes in the headlights and, before I could stop...CRUNCH! I'm sorry, Ricky Raccoon. I'd like to think that you probably had rabies and perhaps I put you out of your misery. I'm not sure about the health status of the squirrel of my neighbor's cat (at the time of the killing...I mean, now their health status is 'DEAD').

 In loving memory:

May they rest peacefully, without birds pecking out their eyes.

LOVES!

Yesterday, I promised to tell you some of the things I love.

Love #1: My brothers! Man, oh man. I think having siblings you hated would be the worst thing imaginable. I've got 2 super brothers...and the littlest one turns 13 today! Yikes! Where did the time go???

Love #2: COFFEE! Addicted? I think yes. I expressed my love of Dunkin Donuts in yesterday's post. It's so true.

Love #3: Nature. Nature is one of those amazing things that man tries to control, but usually fails miserably...especially when it surprises us. A few weeks ago, the sky turned pink. It was beautiful.

Love #4: CARBS! Eeep!! I eat too many of them (hence my big ol'belly). My particular favorites would have to be Cheetos and Cocoa Pebbles. Delish. Pleas hold...now I need a snack...

<<I am back.>>

Love #5: Christmas. I love Christmas decorations, carols, cookies, movies, presents, cards, sweaters, meals, EVERYTHING!

Milly and Pip

Milly and Pip Phillips are the dogs lucky enough to live with us. They have pretty swanky lives. Milly enjoys the finer things in life such as $12 plush squeaky toys, sleeping in a human bed under the sheets and being blow-dried every morning. She also enjoys judging me when I tap dance in the house. Pip, on the other hand, does not enjoy the finer things...he likes doing athletic and gross stuff: catching a Frisbee, playing with $1 squeaky teddy bears from Target, peeing on the floor, and eating the crotches out of dirty underpants. He doesn't like to be caught doing bad things, but it happens at least once a day.

Milly

Pip

Me, Milly and Pip

Stuff I hate

Today, my loyal readers (all 2 of you), you will learn about stuff I hate. I originally didn't think I hated too many things, but now I am reconsidering this notion. I have a long list. I'll spare you the petty ones and leave you with the good stuff:

Hate #1: I hate ordering a coffee (XL Hazelnut, decaf, extra cream and sugar) only to wait behind some bozo who has ordered 5 breakfast sandwiches, 3 bagels with cream cheese, 2 coffees and a dozen donuts. I am already late for work and now I am even later because we had to wait for the people to make you a full course meal for 6. It frustrates me. No, it infuriates me. I love Dunkin Donuts coffee. I am a loyal patron at least 5 times a week - often visiting twice in one day. Therefore, I feel obligated to share my ideas with them. I have suggested they implement 2 lines: one line for JUST coffee and another line for coffee "and". I am still awaiting a reply from DD on this matter.

Hate #2: I hate when people tell use the word "retarded" to describe someone's behavior. Words hurt, so think twice. Sentences like this make my skin crawl: "Hey man, that's so retarded of you." or "Why are you acting so retarded right now?" or "I always seem to get retarded after a night of drinking!" Um, no. Consider using another word to describe the situation - the dictionary is FULL of words that will make your chat better. Maybe you really meant to say "Hey man, that's so crazy of you" or Why are you acting so silly right now?" or "I always seen to get wild after a night of drinking!" See? I'll call you out if I hear it...and no one likes to be embarrassed by me. 
 
Hate #3: I hate walking into a public bathroom only to find there is 1) pee all over the seat, 2) a toilet that should have been flushed 3 uses ago, 3) no toilet paper and 4) someone who rudely cuts ahead of you in line because "it's an emergency". Please prove it is an emergency by peeing your pants. Also, flush the toilet and wipe off the freaking seat.

Hate #4: I hate seeing moms who dress younger than their teenagers. This is insane. If you are in competition with your daughter because you want to feel young, hip and adorable again, you need a reality check. Stop wearing her boyfriend jeans from J.Crew and give her back the necklace that her friend, Julie, bought her for her birthday last week. Furthermore, no one wants to see your very tan cleavage or the thong you're wearing. Pack it up, sister.

Hate #5: I hate when you go into your closet at the beginning of the summer, confident that you've lost some weight since last year, go to try on all those "end of the season bargains" you bought for cheap and realize nothing fits you. You look like a pink and green pig in your bathing suit, the shorts that were too big last August now make your legs look as if they were crammed into a sausage casing, and the shirts you bought are so tight that you have a small layer of back fat creeping towards your boobs.

What are some things that you hate? 

Tomorrow, I will tell you 5 things I love, starting with my most favorite!

Home improvements

 Many of you have been asking about the status of my house since "the great flood of Blue Heron Circle". I am pleased to report that Randy and I are back in our house and things are pretty swell. If you don't know what happened, or you'd like a little synopsis, here you go:

Our 1 year old washing machine died at the beginning of May and we contacted Sears to send a repairman out to fix it, which they did. The repairs happened on a Thursday. Four days later, we threw in a small load of laundry, left the house to give Milly and Pip some exercise and returned home to find a soppy mess. Awesome? I think not. This is what we walked into:

There was a TON of water in the garage (so much so that it collapsed the ceiling and leaked about 4 billion gallons* of water into my convertible; of course, I had the top down...I was parked in the garage!). The water fried the circuit breaker and left us powerless (in several ways) for a several days.

Once the carpets and some walls/floor boards were removed from upstairs, we got to live with industrial fans for a few days. They are noisier than me, produce TONS of heat and seemed to droll on with this whining sound all day (I am talking about the fans, not a menopausal mother).

They also had to remove WALLS! It looked like Randy and I started to build an awesome house and then just ran out of money.

So, after being displaced for 6 weeks we came home. Randy took the fur babies to his mom's place - which I will mention is DOG PARADISE! 5+ fenced in, wooded acres for running and playing, treats all the time, other dogs to play with...it was a sad transition home - picture to come. I stayed at the Homewood Suites, made some new friends, had dinner cooked for me 4 nights a week and was close to shopping. Oh, I had a terrible time...  : )

Anyway, we came home to this: PERFECTION! If you want the name of our contractor, let me know. They were prompt, courteous and did a very good and clean job. 

New wood floors...more brown than the old floor (old, hmm, not really...it was laid down in 2008).

Painted ceiling and new light fixture (fixture compliments of my EE hubby). I have better pictures of the completed room that I will put up soon - you know, like when I took a pic AFTER I finished painting the walls...

But my most favorite thing of all: the super, duper amazing, awesome, wonderful, thick, rich, beautiful carpet we got installed. I convinced Randy to upgrade. THANK GOD! It was the best idea ever. And we went a lot darker with the carpet color: good for hiding dirt, doggie hair and crumbs for Cheetos.

You may be asking yourself, "why did the machine crap out on you like that?" or "what caused the water damage?". The answer is simple: when the repairman reattached the hose to the machine upon completion of the repairs, he never clamped the hose back on...SOOOO...a few wiggles, a few washes and BOOM...1,000 gallons of water everywhere. And the unit was upstairs. When building a house, even though your 'smart' side takes over and is like, "I'm lazy as hell...put that machine upstairs!", think twice!!! 

We are glad to be home, but I sure miss the Homewood Suites and all my friends there. If you need a place to crash while your house is flooded, or you just need to get away from your spouse or snot-nosed kids for a while, check them out.

Call me John Smith

Welp. I did it. I bit the bullet and decided to start blogging. I wonder how many other dweebs start their blog postings the same way? "I took the plunge..." or "I am exploring new avenues...". Oh well. Add me to the list. 

But seriously. Since other forms of social media (which shall remain nameless) have getting me into trouble, I decided that this might be the best way for me to legally express myself, gab about my family and my dogs, and consistently unleash my disdain for the stupidity of others. 

So, call me John Smith. A good name. It is a name that is both mega boring and plain, yet carries historical significance. What does this mean for me? I'm so glad you asked. I would like to remain a boring blogger that doesn't attract the attention of, oh, I don't know...let's say, "the man", yet I want to see what I am capable of doing in terms making myself a credible, online sensation. What a contradiction! That, my friends, is me in a nutshell.

Get cozy, grab a drink (whatever kind you prefer), and prepare to laugh a little with me. I can't promise a daily post, but I can promise to make you smile - or cry. You know, whatever.